Visions
and Memories
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One of the major experiences
I went though in my healing and self-reclamation or Kundalini process,
involved the memory of Jesus’ crucifixion and his letting go. For some reason I
was allowed to experience that as my own, being on the cross - and what a
different cross it was.
But also, a few hours after
this memory, I was allowed to remember how I, as the young apostle John experienced
the loss of my very best friend Jesus right at the moment of his 'letting go'.
Deep grieving, deep sadness, an immense amount of tearful weeping, bawling
even. Was the atmosphere ever charged with the deepest sadness, great anguish,
intense pain and grief by all the bystanders on that hill!
I have other memories of
Jesus as myself as well, and also the apostle John as myself, and some other
young man in Jesus’ company.
Does this have to do with
past lives, reincarnation maybe? I see that differently. I consider Akashic
Records memory more acceptable as a conceptual explanation for these
memories than the concept of 'past lives' or the idea of 'reincarnation'. I
actually am not very interested in an explanation as to why I have these
memories, they stand on their own, they speak for themselves.
These memories are totally
self-evident, evidence of our divine reality.
I love talking and writing
about that divine evidence. I do enjoy that. I may not be a vain-less person,
but I do know that it is the glory of the divine that is conveyed and radiated
to others, so that they in their turn can see and acknowledge their divine
beauty reflected by and shining upon this wondrous world.
Vanity? God knows how I have
been forced to learn to love myself. There was at some critical point 'no way
out no more', I had to learn to love myself. I ran out of excuses not to admit
that we are children of the divine. That each of us is the a child-divine,
just like our beloved ancestors before us - some of whom also became so aware
of that - the gods, the saints and heroes, our fellow human beings,
whom, in my admiration, I used to be so envious of.
If anything, in order for me
to rediscover this divine reality, the divine creator in me must have been
chiseling away unceasingly at this guy Wim here. What faith! What patience!
I bet you, there must have
been some cracks in the marble from which this guy was chiseled, cracks in the
most unlikely places. I must have wriggled incessantly, "Lay still you,
you little worm" is a happy memory in my ears. There must have been some
hard and brittle spots just there where divine expression was supposed to shine
The divine is expressed,
worked out, so to say, by all of us, individual human beings.
The divine being is not
separate from any of us, any of this, any of this here now.
This indeed is it.
This is it, from the smallest
and simplest of divine expression to the largest, universal and most complex,
or to coin a word interplex.
Does not everything sing of divine
glory, divine emanations!
Oh, may we listen more, see
and feel, taste and touch deeper…
Ah, the senses! I could say
so much more about the senses. Don’t the senses register representations,
presences, divine representations, the presence of the divine?!
Oh, how we commune in
ecstasy.
“Until we have one face”, the
face of the divine, always facing the divine.
I don't want to use a
fashionable, trendy word, but to say, “interfacing with God” seems very
appropriate, there being only one universal intrinsic embrace, interactive,
inter-. anything.
Proof of God, anybody? How
mundane!
But let me try to tell you
more about how I was allowed to recover more and more of that divine
self-evidence. The following may become a long account of some of my experiences.
Some time ago (must have been
around 1995) I went through an extended period of spontaneous, what can be
termed, involuntary yogic experiences. 7 Weeks without a need to sleep, hardly
anything to eat. My spontaneous yoga like body movements and expressive
gestures (mudras) were a continuous event, like a long, sometimes 6 hours, slow
time-lapsed dance. It was only after a while that I realized that the commonly
known yoga asanas and mudras were actually no more than recorded bits and
pieces of this dance, formalized and categorized by well meaning yogis and
teachers.
Initially it was like my
awareness was on average 3 seconds behind my actual body movements. It was like
my body purposely shut down my mental involvement. Over time the awareness time-lapses
shortened until I was once more in sync with myself, my body/mind separation
ceasing. After that there was a period of straight imaginative invention of
movement. It was like my body allowed my mental imagination to invent new
movements as it trusted this newly freed, creative mind...that mind that had
given up its limiting control.
This must have been a
difficult period for my wife; it was not easy to go with me into town as I was
often walking as outrageously as Hare Krishna devotees. I preferred though to
go off into the woods instead, up on the hilltops. Ah, glorious Sun, glorious
Earth.
I started to love the ocean,
the salty water, the colder the better. I could stay in it for hours, swimming
with the seals. When it started to rain - and it rains a lot in Victoria during
the winter - I went naked into streams and waterfalls, I just loved the rain.
(I should admit that for at
least 10 years before this episode, I had been afraid of water, even showers.
It was very hard, personal hygiene using water. I used the littlest amount to
keep myself clean.)
After the very often
outrageous dancing, I started doing daring physical experiments that involved
pretty well all my glands, interrupting them at will to find out what their
function was. The experience of this became inner, intimate knowledge. Each
organ became a conscious aware functioning part of my whole system. These
organs wanted to be known and acknowledged by me and I wanted to know and
acknowledge them. I stopped my heart for long time periods (no problem),
conking out the liver, no breathing, (no problem), the thyroid, the spleen, the
kidneys, the adrenals, the testicles and all those other little glands without
a name. The lymphatic system was so neat. The best discoveries though were the
pineal and pituitary glands. (And… those sensitive spots just inside the anus
that are so important in the process of elimination. They got to mean so much,
so much to do with the root and sacral chakras.) How I got to love all of 'them
organs'; the sacro-spinal fluid process, the sacral-spinal orifice and pelvic
pump, the nectar flow down the back of my throat. I played around with my feces
a lot, smeared my body with it on the beach by the ocean... no kidding... that
wonderful farm like aroma, like the intimate warm smell of cows in the stable.
I reminded me of back home in Holland, the farm community where we used to
live. I cleaned myself with gritty scrubs of sand and smooth silky seaweeds.
Drinking my own urine, better than the taste of the liquid that comes off
cooked vegetables... all so pure and mineral laden. How wonderful that all was,
no taboos no more, no inhibitions, the glorious smells and tastes and feelings
of everything we are.
My wife and son (18 at that
time) allowed all this. What an understanding they must they have had... Mind
you, I could not be stopped anyway. By then they knew that this was all part of
this great kundalini self-regeneration process that had taken a hold of me.
Their patience and compassion, their suffering and eventually their sense of
humour...!
Then came the visions, the
memories, knowing that all the gods and goddesses ARE our for-fathers and
for-mothers, physical ancestors, a lot of great ones and some not too great, I
should say. First Brahman, Vishnu, Shiva and their equally important consorts!
I remember standing as young
Vishnu (5 years old) by the fertility altar that my dad had built, a perfect
cube made from a travertine like marble. I bumped my head against one of the
stony corners, the beautiful torch lighting in that hemispherical temple.
Brahman, my dada, so proud, he had invented this new kind of stone ceiling,
like the hemispherical dome of the cathedral of Florence, Italy so many years
later. Except he used rough stones fitted like squarish puzzle pieces,
supported by a mound of firm dirt that was dug out afterwards. During a recent
“out of body escapade” I flew over that dome (OOBE). The dome still exists,
patched up with rocks that don't belong there, dirt had been put back
underneath by some clever people, to preserve the dome shape at least. The dome
is presently still a burial mound.
Am I the only one who knows
that Brahman was there once? Wish I physically knew where it was, my father's
temple, your father's temple, our father's home, he was so wonderful, strong,
inventive. Benevolent, so different from the other men I knew. He figured out
how to press quince like apples to collect the juice, he invented the fruit
press, the sieve. He knew about how to dry and collect sea salt and he
organized its distribution. He experimented with food cultivation and animal
husbandry.
Then I received a memory of
Adam’s life while he was on an expedition to find out what the desert was
really like, finding out if the fear-instilled stories that snakes kill are really
true. I wanted to find out if that was just fear mongering to prevent us from
abandoning the tribal compounds in the hills. Why were we not allowed to
venture down into that hazy river valley? After all these thousands of years, I
still don't understand my father's work with fear. His memory (he is now
remembered as a god) still instills fear in people and almost guarantees
damnation over the promise of freedom. Why did he in those days insist we
needed to always stay hunter/gatherers, why did he want to secure the for us
outdated tribal values with fear? There was nothing to fear, we would do
alright, my partner and I (Eve and Adam) with our new approach to cultivate and
refine the plants and fruits in the humid valley down below, our experiments with
animal husbandry. Why was utopia so frowned upon, are we so scared to be free
and independent?
(This father of ours was not
to be a very good ‘god’, as he increasingly operated by instilling fear through
judgment and punishment. That memory still persists in religious approaches
that deal with death and judgment. Why giving up freedom in the name of belief,
faith and dependence.)
We went back to the tribal
compound at one point, to tell everyone about the lack of danger down in the
valley and beyond, about the wonderful growing methods that we had discovered
and applied, our new discovery of immortality and the illusion of death, about
the cosmic and universal knowledge of the divine within and without.
Humans could be such
wonderful beings if we could just trust our cosmic heritage instead of our
limited tribal pride as it was based on the hatred and fear of others.
Only our teacher, the old
"Wise Guy", as we called him, understood us. He had explained to us
that the most important part of our body was the spine. He did not use that
word though, he used the words “serpent bones” or “snake bones”, while
reminding us that our skeleton was held upright by those bones that looked like
the bones of dead serpents. “Within the snake bones is our energy,” he said,
“Keep those bones right and you will forever be right.” He also told us that we
could cast of fear and illusion like the snake casts of its skin, we could be
reborn, start again clean. But not many of us believed him. Most of us sooner
or later developed hunched backs and aches and pains.
I told the tribal members of
this one morning that I left my mate to venture off into the desert.
“Down in the valley it was
always hazy, but once I got higher up on the hillside, the sun was shining
brightly, blazingly hot. The gray waist high shrubs through which I had to find
my way, were dried out and very prickly. They stood about two or three feet
apart. The orange dirt was quite hard-packed, I noticed that I hardly left any
footprints.
“Then.... from between the
bushes slithered this viper towards me, it was no more than about a foot long,
rather sandy coloured.
“I remembered dad's warning
of impending death, but I did not believe it. I had no fear.
“Did this animal know I meant
danger, why would it want to kill me? I would not kill it.
“I became quite
light-hearted, light-bodied even and it was as though I was being lifted off
the ground while the viper curved its way forward underneath my feet, probably
never even having noticed me.
“I was not amazed at this. It
was so self-evident to me that fear itself is more dangerous than the slight
chance of a physical encounter with an unknown animal that only contained a
slight chance of a deadly attack.
“If anything, I was to be
feared more by the viper than I would have to be feared by the viper.
“I tumbled over these
confused thoughts and eventually I regained my footing.
“I felt I had overcome
something of an historical impact. I stood so straight, so erect, so strong, my
head carried so proudly by my 'serpent bones'. I was so aware of my erect
spine.
“A flash of knowledge went
through me, as though strait from the deepest depth of the earth, up through my
back and into my head.
“The energy of that flash got
stuck there for a short span of time
“At the same time I had the
strong sensation of being deeply rooted in the earth like a huge healthy tree.
“All of a sudden it was as
though from my head up shot off these powerful branches of lightning and....
floating within these branches was a multifaceted, many spiked crystalline
form, whirling and buzzing and throwing off scintillating colours.
“Then, as that form descended
into my head, it fitted there so neatly and I started feeling vibrantly happy
and blissful.
Here my reliving of this
fantastic event in Eden from thousands of years ago, was interrupted briefly
and I exclaimed in my mother-tongue (which is Dutch), "Star of David!” and
I realized that devil or satan is an illusive personification of evil. Evil is
the illusion of malevolent power that brings about the illusion of fear and
suffering. Illusion cannot stand reality, truth and freedom. Fear mongering
makes the illusion of fear appear to be more real than the reality of
truth."
A year before this memory,
while I was vacationing in San Gemignano in Italy, these same words had come to
me after six hours of ecstasy which eventually, 1 week later resulted in a near
death experience.
Back to my memory of what
happened to Adam:
“Slowly, after the star form had
radiated off its glorious bliss within me, oneness became evident within and
without me. I could not think anymore in a fractured, analytical way.
“It became evident to me that
the distinction of ‘good versus bad’ was flawed thinking. Indeed, all opposites
do not exist in reality but only in the conceptualizing mind. Opposites have no
reality in nature; the distinction is physically unsound.
Opposite-ness is inadequate,
unworkable to use for the understanding of life, love and truth.
“We and anyone who wishes to
come with us, will develop agriculture and animal husbandry, so that there will
be food for all and no need to unduly kill and fight each other for food.
“We will work at a renewed
integration of unconditional love and unquestioned security, safety and freedom
with and for each other.
“We will un-limit our
creativity
“We will rejoin our divine
and human qualities once again.
“The divine and the human -
those characteristics are not mutually exclusive. Indeed they are necessarily
inclusive of each other, they are not separate and opposing functionalities
that attract or fend off.
“Fear and faith are also not
to be incomprehensibly united.
“Love and truth characterize integral
unity in reality.
“Is death the opposite of
life? Death is by definition non-existence, death does not exist, how
can it then possibly be an opposite.
“Death is a only a concept in
the eye of the observer who treats it as real. Death is only an observation of
an outsider, a non-participant in that momentous event that goes by the name of
'death'. The observer of “death” is not the subject of that transition and can
therefore not lucidly say anything sensible about that transition.
“We are one eternal and
omnipresent reality focused and concentrated in this moment. “Then I felt that
my spine was like an enormously powerful tree trunk, concentrating and
condensing all the communications between anything and anywhere and anytime.
And I sprouted enormously in all directions.
Here again my reliving of
this fantastic event in Eden from thousands of years ago, was interrupted
briefly and I again exclaimed my mother-tongue "Tree of Jesse, tree that
represents eternal life, all encompassing intermingling of multi-dimensional
webs of reciprocate relationships." and I remembered one of Hildegard von
Bingen's visions.
Back to the Adam’s memory.
“I thought of my partner in
the orchard collecting the fruit, and instantly I was with her, and I knew that
she, simultaneously with me, had gone through identical realizations.
“We are now indeed now free
of tribal ties, untouchable by fear and malevolent power, inviolate by sin or
guilt.
“These illusive concepts have
lost all their seeming reality... Shall we tell everyone?
We enthusiastically returned
many times to the tribe's compound in the hills, relating our discoveries to
the Wise Guy who was not at all surprised as he had foreseen our endeavor’s
realizations as inevitable. We related our discoveries to our brothers and
sisters and the children, two of which came with us, one of whom would attempt
to disprove our methods and who would kill his successful brother. We related
our discoveries to our parents who blamed each other for bringing forth such
offspring as we were.
We were eventually
excommunicated from the tribe as they set up guards so that we could not ever
return. Eden was luckily safe and we lived on. Our stories were terribly
mis-communicated, mistranslated and misunderstood, becoming a lie in the hands
of envious god/ancestors who could not love and let live. They punished instead
with death, damnation and the hand-down of blame and guilt...
We shall set them free as we
will free all our offspring from the blame of having been forced to live under the
power of illusion and original or handed down guilt.
It may take some time, but
there is plenty of that and more where it is coming from. And if we run out
there is always eternity.
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